I have been thinking about receiving a lot over the last several months.  In fact, I wrote an unpublished blog on it a few months ago and for some reason decided not to add it to my posts.  Well, the message coming to me again is “receiving”, so I think I’ll listen this time.

Receiving is a fairly new concept to me really.  I have always considered myself a ‘giver’ throughout my life both in my family and my work life in the community.  What I’m discovering is that receiving is just as important as giving.  Receiving from others has always been a challenge for me and over the last year, it is an area of growth that I’ve been quickly acquiring.

After recent contemplation, I realized that maybe I thought I was not deserving of receiving from others.  This is a little embarrassing to say but I may as well ‘come clean’ with a few of my negative self-thoughts.  It always seems to help to let the cat out of the bag, so maybe it will become a non-issue.

‘Receiving’ and ‘deserving’ are two completely different things!  What a relief!  I think somewhere in my old belief system things got really mixed up somehow.

To deserve something means to “earn” or to “be worthy of” something, like working hard and earning a salary, an award or a bonus.  To receive something is to “be given” something as in a gift, as in the sharing of a smile when you meet eye-to-eye with another.  Just imagine never being able to smile at another unless they did something to earn that smile from you.

Wow, it was a busy summer, wasn’t it, seemingly more so than usual.  For my large herbal labyrinth garden, I called Friday morning work parties at the garden for a few friends who wanted to come ‘help out’.  I am so thankful for the giving of my friends and for my receiving their help!  My friends came to give their time, their labor, their conversations…all as a gift to me, just because.  What a humbling experience that was for me.  I always wanted to give them something in return.  Now I realize that them being there with me in the garden was their return.  Their giving and my receiving of their gift was their return.

Another time this summer, I practiced receiving when we went on two trips away from the island.  Leaving my garden during peak season and our goats that we have only had a short amount of time was like weaning a newborn from her mother’s breast.  Asking for help was even harder, but I did it.  Yeah, a breakthrough!!  I allowed others to give to me, and I was relieved to receive the giving from others.  Another awe-inspiring experience for me shall I say…there are many more of these receiving experiences in my life, but I will save those for another time.

“I’m not be good enough” or “I’m alone”, or “I’m not worthy” are typical fears that many people have, deep down inside of themselves.  I believe that these fears come from some sort of learning to us at an early age that we were not deserving of something.  So now, this confusion comes into play between ‘receiving’ and ‘deserving’.  These fears are core beliefs that were instilled in us at a young age, without intention from whoever or whatever situation happened in our lives that gave us this belief.  We lived with it and in many cases still do, unknowingly.  Strangely enough, those core beliefs influence us in day-to-day decisions we make, like in receiving from others.

In order to fully receive, you must let down your guards about obligations towards others.  Now, I could be thinking, “Oh I owe all of these folks something because they helped me this summer”.  In my old belief system, I will admit, that is how I thought about things.  I always wanted the ‘court to be even’ so to speak.  I guess there’s nothing wrong with that; it’s a different way of looking at things.  Yet, as I ‘relax’ into my life more I’m finding for myself another way of being. Subtle changes, like ‘receiving’ rather than ‘earning’ something from others comes from this accepting.  Hopefully this makes sense to someone else other than me.

Many of you may have already figured out and are pro’s at receiving and giving.  I applaud you for it!  Sometimes is takes me awhile to figure these simple, yet complex things out.

Knowingly,

Susie